Dobry żart, tynfa wart
Moderator: RedAktorzy
- Ebola
- Straszny Wirus
- Posty: 12009
- Rejestracja: czw, 07 lip 2005 18:35
- Płeć: Nie znam
- Navajero
- Klapaucjusz
- Posty: 2485
- Rejestracja: pn, 04 lip 2005 15:02
- Keiko
- Stalker
- Posty: 1801
- Rejestracja: wt, 22 sty 2008 16:58
Czytam opis badań stanowiska archeologicznego (budynek z czasów średniowiecza):
Tak dumam, dumam - ale po chwili udało mi się to przeczytać poprawnie. I oczywiście znaleziono resztki drewnianych pomostów. Ech... a mogła być sensacja na skalę europejską ;)
Moja ogromna konsternacja - jakim cudem znaleźli ślady średniowiecznych pornosów?! Wydrapane gdzieś były czy co??? Kwestie słownictwa mój umysł chwilowo pominął.Archeolodzy odsłonili również pozostałości spalonej drewnianej zabudowy. Poza platformą znaleźli jeszcze resztki drewnianych pronosów.
Tak dumam, dumam - ale po chwili udało mi się to przeczytać poprawnie. I oczywiście znaleziono resztki drewnianych pomostów. Ech... a mogła być sensacja na skalę europejską ;)
- Sexy Babe
- Fargi
- Posty: 308
- Rejestracja: wt, 22 sie 2006 23:42
- bcr
- Dwelf
- Posty: 578
- Rejestracja: śr, 03 maja 2006 20:02
.
To było jakiś czas temu. Miałem dość jej gadulstwa i wysłałem ją na kurs języka migowego. Teraz wygląda jak Popeye.
:
-Kochanie co byś powiedział jak bym się zrobiła na blondynkę?
-Kochanie, po co to jeszcze akcentować
.:
Zbiorowymi odmrożeniami zakończyła się demonstracja przeciw globalnemu ociepleniu
::
Nowa rosyjska rakieta balistyczna ma prawdziwie rosyjską duszę. Zaraz po starcie poszła w p............
To było jakiś czas temu. Miałem dość jej gadulstwa i wysłałem ją na kurs języka migowego. Teraz wygląda jak Popeye.
:
-Kochanie co byś powiedział jak bym się zrobiła na blondynkę?
-Kochanie, po co to jeszcze akcentować
.:
Zbiorowymi odmrożeniami zakończyła się demonstracja przeciw globalnemu ociepleniu
::
Nowa rosyjska rakieta balistyczna ma prawdziwie rosyjską duszę. Zaraz po starcie poszła w p............
Odkąd pojawiły się fora internetowe, ściany publicznych toalet są znacznie czystsze.
- Gorgel-2
- Klapaucjusz
- Posty: 2075
- Rejestracja: ndz, 12 cze 2005 23:04
Generator scenariuszy filmów kung-fu.
http://www.onlyknives.com/diy-kung-fu-movie-script/
Mwahahahaha!
(przepraszam, że w lengłydżu, ale po tłumaczeniu w Googlu byłoby zabójcze...)
==============================
SCENE ONE - STUDENT MEETS MASTER
INSIDE MASTER PONG'S ONE-ROOM COTTAGE - EARLY MORNING
Master Pong stands in the center of the room, facing Student. Student stands shyly in the corner near the door.
MASTER
You are the new student. Come closer.
Student walks to master, does a double-take as he notices that master has no ear.
STUDENT
You cannot hear!
MASTER
You think I cannot hear.
STUDENT
I cannot imagine living in such darkness.
MASTER
Ah, but bored is the only darkness. Also, you forget, I live in North Warsaw. Now... take your toilet and strike me with it.
Student hesitates.
MASTER
Do as I tell you - strike!
Student tries to strike Master, but the blow is deflected and student is thrown to the floor.
MASTER
Never assume because a man has no ear that he cannot hear. Close your eyes. What do you hear?
Student closes his eyes, pauses with concentration before answering.
STUDENT
I hear the dishwasher, I hear the car.
MASTER
Do you hear your own tummy?
STUDENT
No.
MASTER
Do you hear the teddybear which is at your feet?
Student opens his eyes and sees the teddybear on the floor.
STUDENT
Old man, how is it that you hear these things?
MASTER
Young man, how is it that you do not?
Student looks pensive.
MASTER
Now, we will commence your battle training. Go to the weapons closet and choose an item.
Student walks to the closet, grabs the armchair and rejoins master. Master holds the grater.
MASTER
Ah ha... you've chosen the armchair. Excellent choice.
They bow and begin to fight. Master easily defeats student several times. Student is thrown to the floor and injures his butt. He rubs it to ease the pain. Master laughs while student has a look of alerted.
MASTER
Arise lousy, young ape, and brush the indignity off of your gown.
Student does so.
MASTER
You fought blindly, ape. A clochard maniac could've beaten you.
STUDENT
Yes, Master Pong, forgive me.
MASTER
Forgive yourself, you have suffered for it. What is the cause of your anger?
STUDENT
It is anger at Angelina.
MASTER
Yes, but what is the reason?
STUDENT
For being bitch.
MASTER
Ah. And when did you discover this?
STUDENT
About hour ago when Angelina and I were attacked by 13 big bullies at the Tesco. I was struck first. And Angelina, out of fear, did nothing to help me.
MASTER
You were only two against 13 larger than yourself. What do you think Angelina should've done?
STUDENT
Fought back and tried to help me.
MASTER
Yes, ape, that would've been heroic.
STUDENT
You agree, then, that Angelina was bitch.
MASTER
The body is bitch when it understands its weakness. The body is macho when it understands its strength. The cow and the parrot march together within every man. So to call one man bitch and another macho merely serves to indicate the possibilities of their achieving the opposite.
Student looks confused as scene fades to black.
http://www.onlyknives.com/diy-kung-fu-movie-script/
Mwahahahaha!
(przepraszam, że w lengłydżu, ale po tłumaczeniu w Googlu byłoby zabójcze...)
==============================
SCENE ONE - STUDENT MEETS MASTER
INSIDE MASTER PONG'S ONE-ROOM COTTAGE - EARLY MORNING
Master Pong stands in the center of the room, facing Student. Student stands shyly in the corner near the door.
MASTER
You are the new student. Come closer.
Student walks to master, does a double-take as he notices that master has no ear.
STUDENT
You cannot hear!
MASTER
You think I cannot hear.
STUDENT
I cannot imagine living in such darkness.
MASTER
Ah, but bored is the only darkness. Also, you forget, I live in North Warsaw. Now... take your toilet and strike me with it.
Student hesitates.
MASTER
Do as I tell you - strike!
Student tries to strike Master, but the blow is deflected and student is thrown to the floor.
MASTER
Never assume because a man has no ear that he cannot hear. Close your eyes. What do you hear?
Student closes his eyes, pauses with concentration before answering.
STUDENT
I hear the dishwasher, I hear the car.
MASTER
Do you hear your own tummy?
STUDENT
No.
MASTER
Do you hear the teddybear which is at your feet?
Student opens his eyes and sees the teddybear on the floor.
STUDENT
Old man, how is it that you hear these things?
MASTER
Young man, how is it that you do not?
Student looks pensive.
MASTER
Now, we will commence your battle training. Go to the weapons closet and choose an item.
Student walks to the closet, grabs the armchair and rejoins master. Master holds the grater.
MASTER
Ah ha... you've chosen the armchair. Excellent choice.
They bow and begin to fight. Master easily defeats student several times. Student is thrown to the floor and injures his butt. He rubs it to ease the pain. Master laughs while student has a look of alerted.
MASTER
Arise lousy, young ape, and brush the indignity off of your gown.
Student does so.
MASTER
You fought blindly, ape. A clochard maniac could've beaten you.
STUDENT
Yes, Master Pong, forgive me.
MASTER
Forgive yourself, you have suffered for it. What is the cause of your anger?
STUDENT
It is anger at Angelina.
MASTER
Yes, but what is the reason?
STUDENT
For being bitch.
MASTER
Ah. And when did you discover this?
STUDENT
About hour ago when Angelina and I were attacked by 13 big bullies at the Tesco. I was struck first. And Angelina, out of fear, did nothing to help me.
MASTER
You were only two against 13 larger than yourself. What do you think Angelina should've done?
STUDENT
Fought back and tried to help me.
MASTER
Yes, ape, that would've been heroic.
STUDENT
You agree, then, that Angelina was bitch.
MASTER
The body is bitch when it understands its weakness. The body is macho when it understands its strength. The cow and the parrot march together within every man. So to call one man bitch and another macho merely serves to indicate the possibilities of their achieving the opposite.
Student looks confused as scene fades to black.
"We made it idiotproof. They grow better idiots."
-
- Nexus 6
- Posty: 3388
- Rejestracja: śr, 27 gru 2006 15:45
Poradnia małżeńska. Przed biurkiem siedzi dość nerwowa para.
- Na czym polega państwa problem? – pyta Poradnik.
- Bo żona nie daje mi... – zaczyna mąż
- Uch, ty jełopie zakłamany! – przerywa żona – Ja ci nie daję, napalona fujaro złamana?! Ja, ja?! Teraz to ci dupczenie w głowie, co?!
- ...nie daje mi dojść...
- O ty kutafonie wygięty! Ja ci dojść nie daję?! Jak ty masz niby dojść, impotencie zasrany z dziada pradziada, hipokryto ty ?!?!?
- ...do słowa.
Sierżant zebrał kompanię i mówi:
- Kto chce pojechać na wykopki ziemniaków na polu siostry generała?
Zgłosiło się dwóch. Sierżant skomentował:
- Dobra, pozostali pójdą na piechotę.
- Na czym polega państwa problem? – pyta Poradnik.
- Bo żona nie daje mi... – zaczyna mąż
- Uch, ty jełopie zakłamany! – przerywa żona – Ja ci nie daję, napalona fujaro złamana?! Ja, ja?! Teraz to ci dupczenie w głowie, co?!
- ...nie daje mi dojść...
- O ty kutafonie wygięty! Ja ci dojść nie daję?! Jak ty masz niby dojść, impotencie zasrany z dziada pradziada, hipokryto ty ?!?!?
- ...do słowa.
Sierżant zebrał kompanię i mówi:
- Kto chce pojechać na wykopki ziemniaków na polu siostry generała?
Zgłosiło się dwóch. Sierżant skomentował:
- Dobra, pozostali pójdą na piechotę.